Sam Winchester's Guide for Handling Sick Stubborn Older Brothers
by Sahkess
Summary: Ficlet on some of the rules Sam has learned for dealing with a sick Dean. Rated for language, just in case. **Up now, Chapter 2: Dean's turn!**
1. Sam Winchester's Guide

_Sam Winchester's Guide for Handling Sick Stubborn Older Brothers._

Summary: Short fic on some of the rules Sam has learned for dealing with a sick Dean.

No real spoilers, rated for language.

A/N: Ah, fanfic, it's good to see you again. Been a while, you look good, did you do something new with your hair? Seriously, the first time in a month I get to post, and the first time in nearly three weeks I get to write…real life, you need to stop jumping out at me like that. Anyway, here's a little fic to ease some tension and jump back into the SPN world for a minute, hope you like!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Winchester brothers. I do however claim full ownership over my obsession of said brothers, and blame Kripke and Co.

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**Step 1.**

Do not try to feel forehead.

Consequences of ignoring this rule include complaints, threats, whining, and quite often a smack on hand or face.

**Step 2.**

Keep water bottles handy.

Do not attempt to give older brother water bottle, but keep within his eyeshot and reach. The stubborn jackass will eventually cave and take one.

**Step 3.**

Keep TV at a low volume. If headache is involved keep TV off. For desperate measures of comfort allow use of cassettes. Earplugs come in handy for self if needed.

Most often needed. Friggen Black Sabbath.

**Step 4.**

Older brother can usually tolerate tomato and rice soup, chicken noodle not so much. Cold or flu medicine usually not tolerated expect in extreme cases, but whiskey is.

Note: do not combine whiskey with cold or flu medicine unless older brother is being a true pain in the ass.

**Step 5.**

If older brother appears close to vomiting, do not try to move into bathroom unless already in bathroom, but rather opt for wastepaper basket.

Consequences of trying to move into bathroom is most often vomit on shoes.

**Step 6.**

Brother becomes much more pliant after being sick. Use this time wisely. Transfer to bed or bath, consumption of food or liquids, change of clothes, woozy promises to drive the car or stop at a non-scummy motel all available at this time.

**Step 7. **

Thermometers. Out of the question. No chance.

**Step 8.**

Doctors too.

Only way to get a doctor involved is if older brother is unconscious. If need be, a quick knock to head will enable use of doctor.

**Step 9.**

Stock up on extra blankets. Not for brother, but rather for self. Older brother has unusual ability to take covers from both beds and all from motel closet and bundle into a very intricate and non-untangleable cocoon.

**Step 10.**

If fever gets to point where cocoon of blankets is harming more than helping, gently coax brother to leave cocoon with guilt and promises of whiskey.

Whiskey tends to work as a better coaxing device.

**Step 11.**

Stop trying to get the hoodies back. He's got them. They are not coming back.

**Step 12.**

Secret weapon: Bobby. If necessary, head to South Dakota with sick brother and a six pack of beer.

**Step 13.**

In rare cases of weepiness, most often nonsensical, it is best to simply wait out with supporting arm and tissues until weepiness subsides. Any mention of said weepiness after illness has abated will be met with angry stares and possible punch in face.

And those punches hurt.

**Step 14.**

For times of great distress in sleep, it helps to place hand gently on brother's back or run through hair. Do not touch forehead (see Step 1). Make sure brother is very much under before attempting, but maneuver is most often successful in calming brother down.

**Step 15.**

Do not ever reveal that to brother. Ever.

**Step 16.**

Seriously.

**Step 17.**

Brother does very occasionally crave comfort when sick, most often when very sick and slightly incoherent. Know boundaries, but offer kind words and gestures to be met with goofy lopsided older brother smile.

**Step 18**

Last resort. Puppy dog eyes.

End.


	2. Dean Winchester's Guide

_The Elder Winchester's Guide for Handling Sniffly Feverish Whiney Younger Brothers._

A/N: Upon a recommendation (emebalia, I couldn't resist!), I'm adding another chapter to this with Dean's list of rules for handling a sick Sam. I don't read many sick!Sam fics, so most of this is guesswork. I hope it's true-ish to some fanfic at least, enjoy!

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And so the mastery of the older brother begins…

**Step 1.**

Stock up on water bottles and aspirin. Lots and lots of aspirin.

**Step 2.**

Get motel in a quiet area, TV off, and turn off music while in car. Lament loss of music.

**Step 3.**

Beware of whining upon taking covers away.

**Step 4.**

For some odd reason brother likes tea. Be sure to keep large quantities of tea ready, complete with sugar and honey and any other girly flavoring needed.

**Step 5.**

Illnesses for the younger brother often come on quickly. Be sure medical kit is well stocked, and be prepared for the onslaught of sniffles.

Ew…sniffles.

**Step 6.**

Brother tends to not disclose illnesses on his own. Watch for signs of increased bitchface with no other cause, intolerance for usual jokes, and an increased lack of pensieve overthinking.

**Step 7.**

If illness is due to hangover, tease mercilessly. If illness is of viral or bacterial order, tease slightly less mercilessly.

**Step 8.**

Consequence of adding to nausea via teasing is occasionally vomit on shirt.

**Step 9.**

Sick brother has nasty habit of sleeping on bathroom floor. Attempts to carry into bed, while successful at a younger age, will now lead to wrenched back. Solution: leave on floor until coherent enough to move with assistance. Offer pillow and blanket.

**Step 10.**

After night on said bathroom floor, be ready with hot pack for sore back and neck.

**Step 11.**

Tomato rice soup. That stuff is magic.

**Step 12.**

Brother tends to be disoriented upon abrupt wakening and prone to flinging out arms. While punches are much weaker than awesome older brother's, gangly limbs can still cause quite an issue. Lean back when attempting to wake.

**Step 13.**

Take full advantage of passed out brother and trim bangs. Not cut all the way, he'd notice. But trim. Kid has no sense of good taste.

**Step 14.**

If younger brother has stopped eating, try something fruity and healthy.

One of these days he'll be able to choke down a normal burger again.

**Step 15.**

For fever-induced nightmares, cool compress for back of neck works best.

For typical nightmares rendered more difficult by illness, silent company followed by water works best.

**Step 16.**

Take the laptop away, particularly if illness strikes when working a case. Geek very possessive of research role and will wear self out trying to resume duties. Hide laptop in box of Busty Asian Beauties issues.

**Step 17.**

Kid'll never find it.

**Step 18.**

In more serious cases, consider giving back one hoodie for added comfort.

Just one. Can take it back later.

**Step 19.**

Sick younger brother is clingy younger brother. Suck it up and give the Sasquatch hugs if he needs them.

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End.


End file.
